Why so serious?

Yesterday was the first day of Spring. The Equinox. Y'know, balance of light and dark and what-have-you. Usually I come up with some elaborate celebration that involves fires and ceremony and all that.

This year I didn't plan anything. Not purposely, mind you, but because it kinda snuck up on me. What ended up happening? French toast breakfast, motorcycle to the lake, hang out in the forest all day, ride back through the mountains, glorious BBQ chicken dinner, fall into bed exhausted.

(A special thank you to Sante, who rode all over the mountains, through trees and on bumpy roads just to make me happy. Well, and I think he likes it too. You rule.)

I've never been one for planning, unless it's something I think is really important. But lately I've been learning that importance is relative. And you should never take yourself too seriously.

We interrupt this week's optimist message for a minor crisis of philosophy

A few weeks ago the big boss at work said I was too happy. And a few minutes later someone used the adjective "bubbly" to describe me. Between the two I was mildly disturbed, but I let it go.

Since then I had been wondering (especially in my quest for balance): Is too much optimism a bad thing? Can it be used as a defense mechanism? Is it synonymous with delusional? In other words, is denial more than just a river in Egypt?

I know it's "normal" to be sad sometimes. But I never said I was normal. I've just been wondering if maybe, in my journey toward the less extreme, I should consider being less optimistic.

As if to answer my question, a coworker put a quote from Mahatma Gandhi in front of me yesterday:

Keep your thoughts positive, because your thoughts become your words.
Keep your words positive, because your words become your behavior.
Keep your behavior positive, because your behavior become your habits.
Keep your habits positive, because your habits become your values.
Keep your values positive, because your values become your destiny.

I still have the question in my head, but it made me feel better. Thanks Gandhi!

Perception Is Reality: It's not just cheezy corporate lingo anymore

People that spend time with me know that I keep a notebook in my purse at all times. I use this sometimes to write down directions, books that might interest me and movies that I should see.

But what I do with it more often is write down what people say -- things that strike me as funny. If I write something down and you said it, usually it's a compliment. But once in a while I'm secretly making fun of you. This is one of the joy of being friends with, coworkers with or anyone that spends a lot of time with a writer.

I read an old entry recently:

A boss of mine (I won't say her name, but I'll bet some of you can guess) said "I was in the break room heating up some oatmeal and someone said 'Blah blah blah' to me. I couldn't remember who said it because I am so self-absorbed."

Now, she could have meant that she was absorbed in her own thoughts at that moment. But because she used the present tense, I took it to mean that, well, she is pretty self-absorbed. And that amused me at the time.

Last week I was reading my horoscope. That may seem a bit cheesy, but the guy I like is nationally syndicated and quite clever. He's a good writer and happens to be dead-on in my case. Or has been for the past three years. He is part of the reason I am not an unhappy wife with children right now.

(I can't help but endorse him: Robert Breszny--Free Will Astrology http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/ Check him out. Very into optimism!)

My horoscope said that my superpower was the ability to change myself. If, for instance, I was tired of being surrounded by poor listeners and flaky collaborators, I should decide to transform that pattern in my life.

Over the past few weeks I noticed my writing has been heavy with frustration over the fact that some people who have come into my life recently have been really self-absorbed. I was feeling sorry for myself about how no one is listening and everything is so one-sided and yadda yadda yadda. It was a regular pity-party to be honest.

But just like how I can read into something my boss said, my perception of how I believe people are is how they will tend to be. So if I can transform myself and my perception, I believe that some of these people will be better listeners and true friends.

In fact, they probably already are. But only by transforming my attitude will they become that way. Oh hell, and if they aren't...well that line of thinking doesn't suit me too well. But if they aren't, then I guess it just helps me to achieve balance in the friendship department. Regardless, here I go trying to grow again!

Justification--I could have been a lawyer with all the loopholes I find, even in my own logic!

This weekend I went to a few bars in downtown Santa Cruz. I remember recently reading that smoking has been banned on the main street, coincidentally right where I was puffing away. The next day I went to the beach. The same legislation that banned my activity outside the bars has now restricted smoking on public beaches. Is the Universe trying to tell me something?

In my quest to find balance in the past few years, I have become something of a walking contradiction. I am, after all, a vegetarian who enjoys a good steak. Even though I'm a beer snob, you'll still find Hamm's in my refrigerator. Y'know, to keep me on even footing. Er..or something like that.

I have kinda used the idea of balance to justify the pack of cigarettes in my purse. I work out. I eat well. I just happen to be addicted to cigarettes.

Then I thought if I could just change the addiction to an enjoyment, then I would achieve this elusive balance as a smoker/non-smoker. But alas, it just wasn't in the cards. This was an all-or-nothing undertaking for me.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that even in the effort to achieve balance, not everything can be so middle-ground. There has to be some things that we need to be extreme about. And it's different for everyone.

There are things we love and are good for us. Things that are OK to permeate our lives with. To be extreme with, like biking, reading or watching baseball (OK that might just be me!).

But there are other things that we must eradicate from our lives, that we can not allow anywhere near us, because we aren't able to control them. Those things could be physical, like addictions to alcohol or other substances. Or maybe they're mental, like a bad relationship that can not be mended.

I guess the idea is to recognize what we can balance and what we can not. And try to balance our extreme behaviors. Like I'll avoid smoking like the plague, but I will watch almost every playoff game in October. That's balance, right?!?

I challenge you to a duel...or perhaps a dual?

Recently I cleaned my refrigerator, microwave and toaster. These are not projects I enjoy, but the end result is always quite pleasing. It occurred to me about halfway through that if I were to clean them more often (the current rate being about once every few months), it would be much easier and less...unpleasant.

I've made a habit of looking at the small things in life and seeing the positive in them. It's created a world of beauty, love and wonder for me.

And so in my new quest for balance, I'm trying to do the same. Look at what surrounds me. Learn from life: the greatest teacher of all. And life is telling me that the food in the microwave would be easier to scrape off and the leftovers would be better tended to in the refrigerator if I just made a small effort more often. I wouldn't have to go to extremes, using chemicals and paint scrapers, to get the results I wanted.

The bottom line is this: maintaining balance is not a weekend retreat. This is not something anyone can do for a few hours a week and check it off their to-do list. It's an attitude. It's a brain path that needs to be created. And just like the path in the woods, the more often it's traveled the easier it becomes.

So in the spirit of sanguinity, I challenge myself (and others) to find the lesson of the middle-ground in every day moments. And while it may be challenging and unpleasant, the end result is inevitably worth the effort.

Pilates trains me for mental gymnastics

I have been a big fan of pilates for a few years. It helps tone and strengthen core muscles, which are arguably the largest and most important ones in our bodies. We use them for almost every movement, big or small. And I'll be honest, I like flat abs too.

One of the main things pilates helps with is balance. I'm still a klutz, but I fall down and run into things a lot less these days. The stronger our core muscles are, the easier it is for our bodies to maintain balance.

As I was working out this morning, I realized this could easily translate for my newest quest in my life: balance! I tend to swing back and forth on the pendulum without a thought to where my extremes take me. I wondered: If my core is strong, wouldn't it be easier to maintain and achieve balance?

A lot of times when starting on a new endeavor, it's hard to know where to begin. Striving for balance is a life-long project, which can make it seem daunting. But now I know what direction to point my feet in, a starting line for this self-improvement. Strengthen my core values. Know where I stand. And anyone that knows me knows that I've definitely got some strong opinions. So I guess I've already started my workout.