You can change an idea. Beliefs are trickier.

A friend of mine had never seen Fight Club. I happen to think it's one of the greatest movies (and books) of all time. And it's not just because Brad Pitt kicks a lot of ass while shirtless. And it's not just because of Edward Norton's soothing voice as narrator. The book and movie speak volumes for how I feel about consumerism and the American "dream."

There are a few lines in the book and movie that speak to me. It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything. Isn't that the truth? The classic stories of heroes throughout time all begin with a loss so great (family, home, trust) that one doesn't possibly think the hero can overcome. But when you have nothing to lose and everything to gain, you start to see things differently. Hell, you can do whatever you want. But only with the right mentality. And the ability to see past the fear.

My favorite line from the movie is The things you own end up owning you. I never wanted to forget that, so I branded it on my body. Frankly, I am not a tattoo kinda girl, but this was important to me. And I've had more than one conversation about it that ended with "I'm not a big fan of tattoos, but I really like yours." And that's how I feel about it. It means something.

So: A friend of mine had never seen Fight Club, and he actually owned the movie. It was in his home. This was while I was staying in Norway, which happens to be one of the wealthiest countries in the world. People there tend to be very into fashion. It costs $30 to take the bus. Cigarettes were $20 a pack. (Coincidence I just quit? Hardly.) I hadn't been able to put my finger on exactly why I felt uncomfortable at times there, but the movie did it for me: I'm uncomfortable with people spending money.

Now we could talk about why that is, but that's really neither here nor there. What I'm concerned with is my quest to achieve balance in all of this. Just because I have an opinion about owning things does not mean that no one else should. Hell, my roommate owns his house and I'm pretty stoked on that. And I would really like to buy a boat one day, and I convinced him that I should put it in his name.

So is it really bad to own things? Is it terrible to want nice things and to spend money on them? I don't know. As Tyler Durdin would say: Is this necessary, in the hunter-gatherer sense of the word?

Again, I'm thrown back to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.
Where does all of this belong? Is this model appropriate? I'm looking for feedback here. I am open to modifying my ideas here. I don't know that it's realistic to all live hunter-gatherer lifestyles. But then again, if 2012 is in our future, perhaps my questions are unwarranted.

Justification--I could have been a lawyer with all the loopholes I find, even in my own logic!

This weekend I went to a few bars in downtown Santa Cruz. I remember recently reading that smoking has been banned on the main street, coincidentally right where I was puffing away. The next day I went to the beach. The same legislation that banned my activity outside the bars has now restricted smoking on public beaches. Is the Universe trying to tell me something?

In my quest to find balance in the past few years, I have become something of a walking contradiction. I am, after all, a vegetarian who enjoys a good steak. Even though I'm a beer snob, you'll still find Hamm's in my refrigerator. Y'know, to keep me on even footing. Er..or something like that.

I have kinda used the idea of balance to justify the pack of cigarettes in my purse. I work out. I eat well. I just happen to be addicted to cigarettes.

Then I thought if I could just change the addiction to an enjoyment, then I would achieve this elusive balance as a smoker/non-smoker. But alas, it just wasn't in the cards. This was an all-or-nothing undertaking for me.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that even in the effort to achieve balance, not everything can be so middle-ground. There has to be some things that we need to be extreme about. And it's different for everyone.

There are things we love and are good for us. Things that are OK to permeate our lives with. To be extreme with, like biking, reading or watching baseball (OK that might just be me!).

But there are other things that we must eradicate from our lives, that we can not allow anywhere near us, because we aren't able to control them. Those things could be physical, like addictions to alcohol or other substances. Or maybe they're mental, like a bad relationship that can not be mended.

I guess the idea is to recognize what we can balance and what we can not. And try to balance our extreme behaviors. Like I'll avoid smoking like the plague, but I will watch almost every playoff game in October. That's balance, right?!?

Pilates trains me for mental gymnastics

I have been a big fan of pilates for a few years. It helps tone and strengthen core muscles, which are arguably the largest and most important ones in our bodies. We use them for almost every movement, big or small. And I'll be honest, I like flat abs too.

One of the main things pilates helps with is balance. I'm still a klutz, but I fall down and run into things a lot less these days. The stronger our core muscles are, the easier it is for our bodies to maintain balance.

As I was working out this morning, I realized this could easily translate for my newest quest in my life: balance! I tend to swing back and forth on the pendulum without a thought to where my extremes take me. I wondered: If my core is strong, wouldn't it be easier to maintain and achieve balance?

A lot of times when starting on a new endeavor, it's hard to know where to begin. Striving for balance is a life-long project, which can make it seem daunting. But now I know what direction to point my feet in, a starting line for this self-improvement. Strengthen my core values. Know where I stand. And anyone that knows me knows that I've definitely got some strong opinions. So I guess I've already started my workout.

"Everything is a double-edged sword!" --Louis CK

It's been a few months. In this time I have been getting rid of everything I own and moving across the continent. It's amazing what little I actually need to get by. I sold a lot of what I owned, but gave most of it away. It all seemed to have a place. And that place was not with me.

In the past few years, I have been living with the phrase Be comfortable being uncomfortable running through my head. It keeps my mind limber, my optimism keen and my expectations open. Comfort can create stagnation, which breeds bacteria and becomes unhealthy. But moving across the country without a job or many friends has made me reconsider.

I wonder: When is it OK to comfortable? Where is the middle ground between complete chaos and stuck in a rut? Should we constantly be searching, never to be satisfied? Or should we accept and live in routine? Can we do both?

Thus begins my quest for the middle ground. Anyone who knows me can say I tend to go to the extreme. While this may be great for my workout routine, it can be a disaster when I go out for drinks. And that may be simplifying it but it may not be.