Maybe the Me Generation was right all along

While watching Julie and Julia (an excellent movie if you're thinking about renting it--Nora Ephron=genius.) the other day, someone posed a question to me: Are all successful people selfish?

My immediate answer: Yes.

I think selfishness has gotten a bad wrap. Even Merriam-Webster is out to get it! Perhaps I should submit an addendum to the definition, because I believe that selfishness is an integral part of mental health.

In order to be selfless, one has to be selfish. I can't save you from drowning if I don't know how to swim. My cooking skills suffer when I'm dying of starvation. In order for me to help you, I must first help myself.

I know that there are plenty of acts of selfishness that hurt people and destroy lives. I just think that some acts of selfishness are necessary and good as long as they don't harm others.

You can change an idea. Beliefs are trickier.

A friend of mine had never seen Fight Club. I happen to think it's one of the greatest movies (and books) of all time. And it's not just because Brad Pitt kicks a lot of ass while shirtless. And it's not just because of Edward Norton's soothing voice as narrator. The book and movie speak volumes for how I feel about consumerism and the American "dream."

There are a few lines in the book and movie that speak to me. It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything. Isn't that the truth? The classic stories of heroes throughout time all begin with a loss so great (family, home, trust) that one doesn't possibly think the hero can overcome. But when you have nothing to lose and everything to gain, you start to see things differently. Hell, you can do whatever you want. But only with the right mentality. And the ability to see past the fear.

My favorite line from the movie is The things you own end up owning you. I never wanted to forget that, so I branded it on my body. Frankly, I am not a tattoo kinda girl, but this was important to me. And I've had more than one conversation about it that ended with "I'm not a big fan of tattoos, but I really like yours." And that's how I feel about it. It means something.

So: A friend of mine had never seen Fight Club, and he actually owned the movie. It was in his home. This was while I was staying in Norway, which happens to be one of the wealthiest countries in the world. People there tend to be very into fashion. It costs $30 to take the bus. Cigarettes were $20 a pack. (Coincidence I just quit? Hardly.) I hadn't been able to put my finger on exactly why I felt uncomfortable at times there, but the movie did it for me: I'm uncomfortable with people spending money.

Now we could talk about why that is, but that's really neither here nor there. What I'm concerned with is my quest to achieve balance in all of this. Just because I have an opinion about owning things does not mean that no one else should. Hell, my roommate owns his house and I'm pretty stoked on that. And I would really like to buy a boat one day, and I convinced him that I should put it in his name.

So is it really bad to own things? Is it terrible to want nice things and to spend money on them? I don't know. As Tyler Durdin would say: Is this necessary, in the hunter-gatherer sense of the word?

Again, I'm thrown back to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.
Where does all of this belong? Is this model appropriate? I'm looking for feedback here. I am open to modifying my ideas here. I don't know that it's realistic to all live hunter-gatherer lifestyles. But then again, if 2012 is in our future, perhaps my questions are unwarranted.

The barter system works for more than just goods and services: Let's trade ideas!

Yesterday my roommate came in with an armful of avocados from our neighbor's tree. Last week another neighbor stopped by with a basket of strawberries. This is pretty much the standard around here. We all have an excess of some vegetable or fruit and we just trade. I'm pretty much in love with it, mostly because it seems so much more natural than going to buy these things from a store.

I knew this area was a big growing community. One of the biggest berry suppliers in the country is here. The strawberry festival is this weekend. The thing is, I think this land isn't just about growing food. I knew that moving was going to be a giant adventure and, at times, difficult. But this soil is just encouraging me to grow.

Of course, being Rebecca, I have to pick this apart. I wonder, how do we grow when we're aware we should be growing? It's always easier to look back at a time and say, "Wow, I really grew from that experience." But what about living in the moment and trying to grow in the moment?

I spend time everyday writing, reading, working out, job searching, meditating, cooking, and trying to learn something new. Yet I wonder if this is really what helps me grow. I feel like these are all things I have been doing for awhile. Is it possible to try to grow mentally and spiritually? Or is this something that comes out of all the actions and brain activities during a point in our lives?

Dairy Queen brings the consumer out of me

I went into the skyway system in downtown Minneapolis today and was struck with a sudden need to have Dairy Queen. While this in itself is not weird (I love Blizzards and would eat one every day if I could), I noticed that the last time I was in the skyway I really wanted something ... anything.

The skyway encourages the want in me. And in most people I think. It reminds me of rats in a maze: go through the correct way and get your reward. Turn right at the TCF Tower and you'll get to Starbucks where you will purchase and receive your coffee, your incentive for making it through the maze and through the day.

Living in a capitalist country makes this sort of thing the norm. Unfortunately it also encourages debt and living paycheck-to-paycheck. Think of all that interest being paid on venti mochacchinos!

I have a few friends who don't have credit cards and don't have debt. They are definitely the minority. I strive to not want things, whatever it may be, but it can be difficult. And easy to swing into the extreme.

I ask myself, Do I really need this? And the answer is most times no. But where is the reward in the maze for someone who doesn't want? Maybe it's about getting out of the maze, but until that day I guess I'll just enjoy the people-watching.

I'd like to return the box you've put me in

Normally celebrity gossip makes me a little ill. But I was forced to watch this whole Joaquin Phoenix interview on Letterman at work today. And by forced, I mean literally my supervisor said, "B, come watch this."

There were a few different reactions to Joaquin Phoenix's behavior in our office (there were several people who found this newsworthy--I work in a newsroom). Most of them had something to do with a guess as to what drugs he was on or what mood disorder had suddenly surfaced in him. All I could discern was that he didn't want to talk a lot at that particular time, which was too bad for him considering he was being interviewed on national television.

(On a somewhat related note: The man's name is phoenix. Death and rebirth are part of the bird's very essence!)

When someone makes a change in their life, many people have something to say about it. What's unfortunate is that many times the things that people say are critical and are based in assumption. These judgments are unfair and most times unsolicited.

Change is hard enough without someone saying how you (in their opinion) have fucked up or are going to fuck up. A few of us are blessed to have great support systems to help us maneuver through our journey. But I would say that the majority of us deal with the former more than the latter. It's too bad.

I guess maybe too many people have decided their lives are perfect or too far gone for improvement and so they turn to someone else. Reserving judgment isn't an easy task and no one is perfect, but I think in this case we've all heard what I'm trying to say: If we can't say anything good, don't say anything at all.

This blog is brought to you by FCI

Last week I sent a message to my friend on Facebook telling him how I really didn't like the desert because the only experience I had with it was neon lights and soul-sucking gambling. Since then many of the advertisements on my page have had something to do with gambling addiction hotlines.

Last night I was told by a friend that Bert's Bees products are actually owned by Clorox. We then discussed how sooner or later the air we breath in Steven's Square (or Phillips or LynLake) will be brought to us by some corporate sponsor -- most likely Best Buy or 3M.

This morning I read that the new Twins stadium will be called Target Field. (For now I will just ignore the fact that it was mostly funded with public money. That's for another rant.)

You know how people freak out about our children being desensitized to violence at a young age? What about them being desensitized to advertising? I know some people that don't even notice that Volkswagen paid for product placement in the Bourne movies, and the company had corresponding car commercials!

Being a journalism major gives me a small window into the psychology of advertising and it frightens me that some people don't notice the barrage of commercials, billboards, and mind-reading advertising.

(Side note: If you read The DaVinci Code -- one of the most popular books in the past years-- did you notice the product placement in it? IN A BOOK???? Ack!)

I have challenged myself to rethink the attitude I have about wants and needs. I think this is one of the only ways to battle the steep mind control we are up against.