Seeking similarities in a sunless situation

In the last few days I have been trying desperately to shake jet lag. The fact that I am up writing at 2 am would lead me to believe that I've done a terrible job of it. But hey! Because of the time difference I am just having a bit more trouble assimilating to life in Scandinavia.

When I travel, I often look for the differences between what I am accustomed to and what other cultures and countries are used to. The Norwegians shower on the bathroom floor here--the drains are all over the bathroom! The Swedish have a two "mealish" events: one that is all about sweets and happiness and another that is more of a mini meal. You can imagine I am a fan of both. 

This afternoon my girlfriend and I were discussing that looking for the differences might not be the right way to go about things. I mean, we're all creatures of habit are we not? Perhaps we should be looking for similarities so that we can be more comfortable when we're struggling to find our place in new surroundings.

Don't we all experience joy and heartache? Don't we all bleed? Don't we feel cold and dress accordingly? (This is definitely one I am relearning on my vacation in the Nordic world.) 

As the world gets smaller thanks to advances in communication and travel, there is more of a need to assimilate more quickly to different environments. Maybe noticing what we have in common as humans will make that easier. Maybe it will help my jet lag. Maybe it's all just wishful thinking, but be careful what you wish for ... world peace may be just around the corner!

"Everything is a double-edged sword!" --Louis CK

It's been a few months. In this time I have been getting rid of everything I own and moving across the continent. It's amazing what little I actually need to get by. I sold a lot of what I owned, but gave most of it away. It all seemed to have a place. And that place was not with me.

In the past few years, I have been living with the phrase Be comfortable being uncomfortable running through my head. It keeps my mind limber, my optimism keen and my expectations open. Comfort can create stagnation, which breeds bacteria and becomes unhealthy. But moving across the country without a job or many friends has made me reconsider.

I wonder: When is it OK to comfortable? Where is the middle ground between complete chaos and stuck in a rut? Should we constantly be searching, never to be satisfied? Or should we accept and live in routine? Can we do both?

Thus begins my quest for the middle ground. Anyone who knows me can say I tend to go to the extreme. While this may be great for my workout routine, it can be a disaster when I go out for drinks. And that may be simplifying it but it may not be.

The best teacher we have is ourselves

My cousin's graduation announcement arrived in my mailbox today. After the initial shock of seeing his senior picture (I remember him being born!), I started to think a little about new beginnings and expectations. That's the idea, right?

While graduation is a clear example of the end of one thing and the beginning of something else, we are faced with these situations throughout our lives. It can be unsettling to be in a position where we have to say goodbye to what we've become comfortable with and hello to what we know little about.

There are certain expectations people have for us and that we have for ourselves. The longer we settle into a pattern, the less often we have these expectations. We tried this and it didn't work out. We set a goal and achieved it. Now what's next? Many times we forget to ask what's next, and instead pat ourselves on the back for what we can and try and forget the failures.

I have been having some anxiety about this lately, as I am moving away from a city that has hosted a world of achievements and letdowns for me to a place I have never been. In the beginning, I assigned a negative emotion to this feeling. Anxiety in itself has a negative connotation.

Anxiety can be a good thing -- a marker that our body and brain are still working. Of course we feel stress when we go through major change--it's part of nature's plan. Learning to deal with it and work through it is what separates us from the animals. We can move out of our comfort zone. We should. Habits and routine can be good to a point, but not if it's keeping us from setting goals and moving forward.

I challenge all of us to look at the beginning and end points of things in our life. It doesn't have to be as obvious as graduating, buying a house or changing jobs. It can be as simple as a new workout routine or a new friend. These things cause stress and anxiety at almost undetectable levels. They also create new expectations for us. If we can navigate our way through these, then certainly we can accomplish whatever it is we want in this life.

I'd like you to meet my long-time lover Minneapolis.

The past two weekends I have been entertaining out-of-town guests. It's something I enjoy doing because I love to cook, drink, eat, dance and meander, all of which I have a free pass to do when friends are in town. (I can't do laundry -- I have company!) Add that to the fact that I love showing people around Minneapolis, and it makes for ridiculous fun.

The thing is these are new friends. And they aren't from another state; they're from another country: Sweden. I'm not a competitive sort on many levels, but when it comes to my home I'm pretty damn proud. My city can definitely kick your city's ass. But that's when it comes from the U.S. You're from Europe? Your city is 1000 years old? Suddenly I feel like I do when people start talking wine -- way out of my league.

But Minneapolis took care of it for me. One of my new favorite local bands, Just.Live, happened to have a gig last weekend. (They don't play in town often these days.) It suddenly became spring in late November making it easy for me to show off the sculpture garden and the great walks around the lakes. Did you know the Foshay Tower has an observation deck? There may not be mountains in Minneapolis, but that was the next best thing. And I love how easy it is to wander into a bar in Northeast with absolutely no plan and end up heading to see Alex Rossi and company at a venue even I've never been to.

So now it's Sunday and it snowed. I couldn't have dreamed up a more perfect way to spend the weekend and my friend doesn't want to leave. I gotta say I don't blame her. Minneapolis makes life pretty effortless. It's no wonder I ended staying here for seven years.

When I paint this into larger brushstrokes I see how real relationships are effortless as well. I'm not saying there aren't times when you want to call it quits with friends or family (Minneapolis winters are no picnic), but when it's good it happens without trying. You don't have to speak. You can read and paint without a worry what the other is doing, just enjoying each other's presence. Just comfortable.

My security blanket is on fire

On the eve of the union election at work I have become painfully aware of uncertainty. Will we vote to be in the union or not? For months I have been telling myself how important it is to be comfortable being uncomfortable, and I gotta say I thought I was getting pretty good at it.

My friend and I were talking about words or concepts that are meaningless. Things like "normal" and "perfect" were two we could both agree on. The words mean something so different to everyone. And tonight I wonder: What is certainty? What is comfort? Are these words so relative that they are also nebulous?

What are we certain of? The old adage tells us only taxes and death. What provides us comfort? I would argue that many of the things we think provide us comfort are only habits long formed.

People will stay in an unsatisfying relationship with their dentist, spouse, hairdresser, etc. just because the thought of leaving is too much of a hassle. We cook the same six recipes because our brains don't have to work to choose new ones, remember to buy ingredients and go through different motions in the kitchen. The more I think about the things that provide me with what I thought was comfort, the more I realize maybe I've just been doing them because I've always been doing them.

I read a story about how an old spiritual teacher would tie his cat up while he was leading meditation to keep it from bothering others. The teacher died but the cat lived for a few more years, during which time it would always be tied up during meditation. When the cat died no one would meditate because they believed the cat needed to be tied up in order for meditation to be effective. They never knew or had forgotten the reason it was tied up to begin with.

Being comfortable has led to a lot of laziness. Asking why we do things and why something makes us feel the way it does may take a little work, but is well worth it. We may suddenly see why life is so beautiful and how little we need for it to be that way.

I struggle with where to put the apostrophe in "two weeks’ notice"

July 4, 2008 - Friday

I supposed the requisite "Happy Independence Day" is in order. But also let's celebrate my independence from the Rock Bottom.

That's right. After more than six years, finally, it's time to leave. The reason, I have been telling people, is that I'm going back to school in January so I want to have a little time to have a life before that.

But do I need a reason? How about I don't wanna work so much? Maybe having a few days off a week kicks so much ass I can't do it justice with words...and I fancy myself a writer.

I was talking to a friend from Rock Bottom today and I told her the money wasn't really making or breaking me so I didn't want it anymore. And she said something like so many people are in the rat race to make more money just to make more money. And that's about it. Quality of life suffers and it's just bad news.

Now don't get me wrong. I love having money to spend the way I want and I enjoy being comfortable. But who has time to spend it when you're working all the time? And I know damn well that working two jobs isn't comfortable. You can get used to it but it's never what you want.
I used to think I loved to be busy and I do still thrive in a stressful environment, but I know now that in this case, absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder.